Remember How that Film Series Ended? WRONG (Updated Again)
Note: This is a repost from an older blog post I made last year, edited and updated. The edits are throughout, and more updates are at the bottom.
I did some research on movies recently and found a troubling number of sequels no one asked for. Often times I joke about stupid movies that I “really want to see” because of how great they are, like Step Up and Twilight. Sometimes I feel as though I joke too much, so this is me setting the record straight. See below.
They’re making a spin-off about Puss in Boots from Shrek. It’s called Puss in Boots.
Remember how successful The Hangover was? Then they made the formulaic rip The Hangover: Part 2? Well they won’t let it die, because the director announced plans for The Hangover: Part 3.
Next August the silver screen will be graced with The Smurfs, which has one of the most ingenious taglines ever, “Smurf happens”.
Of course, they’re doing a Spiderman reboot. Why that’s happening is beyond me. It’s entitled The Amazing Spiderman and already has a sequel planned, The Amazing Spiderman 2.
And are they trying to do another Superman reboot as well? Honestly people, if at first you don’t succeed, give up.
Know what comes out tomorrow? A sequel to a movie made back in 2001. Cats and Dogs: Kitty Galore’s Revenge. Thank god we have that. I kept this one just because I forgot it even came out and I find it hilarious.
But I mean, 2001, that’s only 9 years. Thanks to Will Smith, the sequel to Independence Day (1996) is coming out. 17 years later. (It’s actually the directors fault, I know. Oh, Roland.) Thank goodness we’ll have Independence Day 2 in 2013! If that’s not enough, a sequel to that one, of course, Independence Day 3 is set to come out the year after.
Not enough sequels? Will Smith’s got you covered with Bad Boys 3 (9 years later), Hancock 2 (thank god), I, Robot 2 (8 years later), an I Am Legend Prequel, and The Karate Kid 2. How he plans on pulling all of these off (plus like 15+ more), is beyond me.
Terminator 5 is set to come out in 2012, despite the fact that Terminator Salvation was utterly terrible.
Remember how great Get Smart was? Me neither. But Get Smart 2 is coming out regardless!
Then there’s the final installment of The Twilight Saga, “Breaking Dawn”, which of course is split into two films, just because we needed to keep those crazy fans going longer.
They recently announced a movie based on the popular board game Battleship. Starring Rihanna. What you don’t know is that they’re also making a movie based on the game Space Invaders. How they’re going to pull off either of these movies is beyond me.
You know how everyone’s getting tired of 3D? Dreamworks doesn’t know that, and announced that all of their animated films will be released in 3D from now on.
Zoolander 2 is coming out! Thank goodness for the ease of creating sequels for comedies!
Good news! That lame animated movie about dancing penguins is getting a sequel… in 3D of course! You can look forward to Happy Feet 2 in 3D this year.
Michael Cera is set to star in a full length movie adaptation of Gilligan’s Island. And here you thought there was nothing left to ruin!
Nicholas Cage will give us Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance and National Treasure 3, just because he thought we were missing his stupid smirk.
I have to stop now. Honestly, this is depressing. Did you know that the majority of these movies are set to come out in 2012? Because why should we enjoy good movies before we all die, right?
I can only hope for a brighter future.
Update 1 (So much for a brighter future):
Remember Mean Girls, that movie starring that chick in jail who’s on the crack now? You know, everyone still quotes it? “She doesn’t even go here!” “You go Glen Coco!” Well it’s getting its own sequel, Mean Girls 2 and its own spin-off, Mean Moms. WHY?
Apparently Battleship and Space Invaders aren’t the only games-gone-movies, Clue is joining the party in 2011.
UPDATE 2 (Apparently I’ve only breached the surface):
There’s Big Momma’s House 3. WHY GOD? WHY!?
The Blair Witch Project 3 is set to come out this year. I didn’t even know there was a Blair Witch 2, to be honest. There was also a rumored remake of the original that was supposed to come out called Blair Witch.
Not to mention that Step Up 4 is coming out. (I literally just had to replace “3D” with “4”)
Then there’s Real Steel, which no one will admit is a rip off of the Rock Em Sock Em Robots game.
James Cameron liked his billion dollars from Avatar, so of course he’ll come out with an Avatar 2.
Then there’s Alien 5, a sequel which would come out over 33 years later. First Joss Whedon wrote one, then James Cameron more recently. It has also been rumored that it might just be a spinoff film.
Bourne 4 may come out, but the only problem is the director (Greengrass) and the main actor (Damon) have absolutely zero interest in it, because they understand the concept of moving on.
Abrams is said to be coming out with Cloverfield 2 in 2014. Not sure why.
There’s The Departed 2, set for a 2012 release, which should be interesting considering most of the characters got killed off in the first.
A sequel to Fast Five was announced last year, Fast Six. And here you thought they might stop making the movies. Well, Vin Diesel thinks Fast Five was Oscar-worthy, so good luck with that.
The Expendables 2… honestly I just don’t care. Aug 17, 2012.
Ghostbusters 3 may sound like a good idea, but think about it. The main actors are old now plus Bill Murray has zero interest in it. In fact, he has such little interest in it, he keeps delaying it by, well, being Bill Murray. He’s notoriously difficult to contact, he’s stubborn with scripts, and he’s busy getting in trouble for drinking and driving golf carts in Europe.
High School Musical 4, Indiana Jones 5, Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D 2, Jurassic Park 4, 5, and 6, Kill Bill 3, Shrek 5, War of the Worlds 2 (DVD), Pink Panther 2, Twister 2, another xXx sequel, and White Chicks 2. WHY?!
